Welcome to my Pity Party

So this week has been hard and I keep thinking I need to do stuff to get out of my funk. Finally I decided to blog it in the hopes that I would be able to let this all go.

So to start my week, well last Saturday, was Drake's baptism. Which was supposed to be a wonderful, happy day, which as far as he was concerned -- it was. I'm so glad for that. Chris did come but his attitude and coldness toward me as well as the others in attendance (excepting his kids) was needless to say unpleasant. I was embarrassed in front of my bishop, friends, and family. I thanked him for being there and for being a good father when I really wanted to smack him and ask why he couldn't at least have been polite. We all knew why he was there and it wasn't anything to do with religion. Anyway, I was trying to be polite and not have my feelings hurt because I didn't want to be petty back. He made some snotty comments that usually I can banter back and it doesn't bother me but today they cut me instead. Still, I refused to cry. So then we headed off to Ochoa's with my family and his family and maybe you don't know that this was a snub but he sat by his mom and not me. For any of you who know Chris, that is not his norm behavior. On the one hand, he is having a great relationship with his mom and we all want that. So maybe that is enough said. We visited with his Papa and Donna, then headed home for more not so witty banter. And then he high tailed it up the stairs to ignore us all for the rest of the night.

Sunday, he barely associated with us. Usually he gives me 2 or 3 hours to recharge for the week by being in charge of Corwin. So I went to church and wrestled kids.

Monday hits and I am feeling pretty bad and it gets work only now it is my sister. We were discussing our back to school schedule and I commented on how many hours I am there and what I do and maybe we should adjust the money split. We set it up 2 years ago when I was there about 80% of daycare hours where as now I am there about 92% to 95% of the time. I believe her exact words were, "No I don't think so. I spend extra money each week for supplies and besides there is wear and tear on my house." Both are true statements. However, while I am there she does her laundry and prepares for Scout meeting and disappears for a half hour or more at a time to do stuff in her house. She says that is an expected perk because it is her house. Fine but don't I deserve some kind off equal compensation since she says we are partners and I am not her employee. Oh and the tax write offs? I don't get those either. No arguing with her because she is always right. I didn't run the dish washer because I thought she could squeeze in 5dinner plates (she has a family of 5) and 10 cups (there were only 5 daycare cups left on the counter) after dinner and only have to run the dishwasher once that day. I was told that that was it was ridiculous to assume that she could squeeze all her dinner dishes in and that I needed to run it that second unless I planned to make her wash all the cups by hand. So I can't win on that front either.

So I applied for a second job at Fry's to help make our ends meet a bit better and help us replace the truck and to pay off a big surgery bill, but was informed that my availability was such that they had nothing for me. So that was a big kick in the stomach. They are raising the price of school lunches this year, JOY!!!! I can't afford groceries as it is but Cassie's family goes to the movie once a week and she bought new clothes 3 times last week. Okay maybe this last part is a bit petty. I am just frustrated that if I am not really careful, we won't have a house to live in next year. But that's okay because Cassie thinks that we are too busy at daycare and she is making way more than she needs, so we should cut back and maybe she won't even do daycare next year.


So my frustration -- no control over my own life right now. But that's okay because good old Melissa always takes it.